Silence is Sensible

"Let silence do the heavy lifting". 
Susan Scott.

"Where in your life did you become uncomfortable with the sweet territory of silence?"

Native American saying.

I want to share a short extract from a book called Fierce Conversation by Susan Scott, and in particular the chapter, Let Silence do the Heavy Lifting.  Hope it resonates at some level with you - for whatever reason!

Extract from Fierce Conversations - Chapter 7, Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting. 
"Do you know of someone who will mostly die with his or her mouth open?  Many CEOs could go on this list.  This is not good.  A dazzling way with words rarely proves to be enough to guarantee success as a leader.  Joseph Conrad suggested, "To have the gift of  words is no such great matter.  A man furnished with a long-range weapon does not become a hunter or a warrior by the mere possession of a firearm; many other qualitites of character and temperament are necessary to make him either one or the other."

Many people attempt to forge relationships exclusively through words.  Lots of words.  However, the best leaders talk with people, not at the. Emerging entrepreneurs have special challenges.  They can get so wrapped up in telling the story of their businesses, in order to attract employees, vendors, and investors, that they no longer have conversations.  They have "versations", talking at people rather than with them.

Talking at people is a common affliction.  In fact, on a purely practical note, did you know that eight out of ten sales proposals fail?  And 50 percent of those eight fail because we spent too much time talking about ourselves or the features and benefits of our product, and not enough time talking about the customer and listening to the customer before we explained how wonderful doing business with us would be.

We all know people, intent on impressing us, who talk so much that they turn us off completly.  Such people are often unconscious of the effect they are having on others, as they run on endlessly about their accomplishments and clever ideas.  They may be spectacularly brilliant.......The trouble is, it wears us out to be with them.  They talk incessantly, going from one story to the next, without taking a noticeable breath.  Though their stories are at timesentertaining and laced with insight, after a  while we get the feeling that we are merely a spot on the wall in which they direct their comments."

Tips for Using Silence in Your Conversations
And here are some tips from Susan about how to use silence in all our conversations....

1. Talk with people, not at them.
2. The more emotionally loaded the subject, the more silence is required.
3. Use silence to slow down a conversation so that you can discover what the conversation really wants to be about.
4. Allow silence to fill in the greater meaning that needs to be there.
5. Allows silence to teach you how to feel.

A Challenge for You 
And a challenge for you.  Have a go.  Over the next day or so during a conversation at home or at work, have a go at building in silence.  Give yourself space before you speak so that you can fully understand what others have said.  Use a statement such as "that's interesting, I'd like a moment to reflect on what you have said", pause take some time and then respond.